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Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Tae Kwon Do, Please Don't

I think I've said it before, I'm not afraid to put myself out there for my kids. I'll make a fool of myself or take the blame for something smelly in a heart beat if it means them not getting that sad chest shaking shamefully embarrassed feeling.

I also try very hard not to be the one to cause that feeling in them. Will I pick them up in my pj's? Absolutely not. If I feel horrible and have not moved from the couch all day, in line at school, my hair is pulled back and I am standing tall and feverish in my jeans.

Let me paint the scene for you on my most recent 'make um proud' moment.

Jake recently joined Tae kwon Do as a trial member with 2 of his friends.

This past Saturday was bring a friend day. He was going to ask his neighbor friend if he wanted to go but he wasn't home. On the way out he was a little nervous about going to class on friend day without actually bringing a friend. I told him he has nothing to worry about because he has 2 built in friends at class already! How perfect! But, just in case they don't make it, and I knew for a fact that one was going, I promised to be his friend and take the class with him.

Sure enough his friend G shows up. I am off the hook! I not only was able to ease his fear of being singled out by showing my possible support, but G was there to bail me out!

Off they go into class and what happens...the teacher places them apart from each other not realizing they are each others friend.


I am in no way dressed for this. Not to even mention physically prepared! My outfit as a whole was nice, comfortable, stylish and fun. Break it down and it's a hot mess of inappropriate-ness! I had on "running pants" (not that I'd ever run in them), which are fine when covered up. Who wants to see my tush in tight joggers. A black tank top, again fine as long as it was covered. Pasty jigglies is so not in season. What brought my inappropriate-ness all together was my favorite WOOL over-sized cardi-sweater and chunky jewlery. No way was my sweater coming off. No way was my sweater meant to work out in.

While Jake is stretching, I am screaming in side F**K! WHAT TO DO! WHAT TO DO! It wasn't until they were done stretching and his teacher said to grab their friend that they brought as a partner that I started kicking my shoes off.

I knew he wasn't going to be brave enough to walk to the front of the class and grab G. In his mind, his teacher put him there, he needs to stay there. My plan was to go out and try and bring them together without causing too much disruption.

I march out in all my glory.

I get out to him....

me- Jake, come stand back here with me (he was on the very end of a line and I was in one all my own)
Jake- no
me- what do you mean no? I'm your partner like I promised.
Jake- this is my spot, you move up here.
me- (looking between him and Mr. SweatyHairyArms) no. you can come back here
me- debating on holding my head high and bailing on the kid. I was NOT going to be in a line all by myself. (Said line being the one closest to all the other adults sitting in the room watching the scene enfold.)

But we are both saved by the assistant who came over to give me a name tag. So now not only does a room full of strangers get to witness this, they will all know my name.

Like the child I felt I was being, I asked the assistant if Jake can stand by me and can he please tell him because he won't move.

Yeah, this is going awesome. I have already worked up a sweat in my WOOL sweater just by trying to convince my kid to stand next to me while do leg lunges.

Only 40 more minutes to go.

When we are given the ok to spread out and pair off, I start loud whispering to his friend 3 rows up.

me- G! Hey G! PSST! G! come 'er! G! Hey!

She either can't hear me or is choosing to not hear me so she doesn't have to be associated to the crazy women in the back row. She moves on and gets a partner.

I am forced to come to terms with it at this point. I am taking a full Tae Kwon Do class. I start flinging my jewelry off. Last thing I need is for my chunky ring to go flying off and nails Mr. SweatyHairyArms in the temple. I will also NOT be that mother exercising in the loud bounce necklace. I tried to make myself look like I fully intended to be there and participate all along.

The last half hour was full of me flinging my arms around trying to make it look like I am punching at the same time as doing a round house kick. Really I am trying to stay upright and wondering why in the hell they are teaching us how to round house kick when this is the first time I have stepped on this bare foot soaked mat! Shouldn't we start with the basics, like standing on one foot?!

Oh! And the HIYA! AGH! HIYA! The power yell was more of a thirsty pant for me. Water. I just needed water.

Towards the end we were told to sit down
lay with our feet pointing towards our partner
and do 10 sit ups.

When I was in high school I couldn't do real sit ups. I was the faker who put their feet high in the air and did crunches.

Yeah, I still faked it but with my feet on the ground. I went with the thought that if anyone glanced my way, it looked like I was just going down from the real sit up.

The 10 "sit ups" are over and guess what?

10 push ups.

I couldn't even do the fake ones in school.

I officially said F* It.

I rolled over and counted for Jake as he waved his tush in the air doing his fake push ups.

When the class was mercifully over and he got me out to the car I said...

Did I embarrass you out there?

Jake- hm no.

Me- really?! Did I make you proud?

Jake- yeah, a little.

A little is all I need to keep doing what I am willing to do for my boys.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Snorting And Honking At Inappropriate Times

I'm a laugher of all things inappropriate and perfectly me. I will throw my head back and laugh loud and proud when caught off guard at the funniness. I will stop breathing and make no noise when it's REALLY REALLY funny.

I love to laugh at myself and I love to laugh at you. I was raised to not take myself to seriously. If you can't laugh at me or you, we are not meant to be. I feel bad for anyone who didn't have that lesson instilled in them. It's what makes the world fun!

The down side to my love of laughing, is I am a snorter and honker during the most inappropriate times.
I'm nervous- snort
I'm scared- laugh
I'm sad- laugh/snort
Quiet moment in a group setting- snort/honk

My mom would get so mad at me when I was little. She would be yelling at me for doing something I wasn't supposed to do and I would stand there and laugh. The madder she got, the harder I laughed. 
Did I think it was funny? Not in the least. Was I terrified and about to crap my pants watching her anger rise over my uncontrollable laughter? You bet ya.

As an adult I've tried to suppress my laughter at these types of uncalled for situations. My means of suppression has caused my OTHER form of laughing. Snorting and honking. The snorting and honking starts because the only way I can think of to stop the laughter, it so hold my breath and plug my nose. What results of this is snorting and spitting once I can't hold my breath any longer and honking while I try to bring it all back in again to plug my nose.  

If you hear those noises come out of me, it's because I feel I should NOT be laughing at that particular moment but have lost all control over myself.

And once I start, I can't stop. If anything it escalates. I have no problem pulling it together over something that is supposed to be laughed at. Something that's not supposed to have laughter even associated with it though, I find myself honking over it hours later!

What made me think of this to share with you? My honking episode last night. Let me take you there...

9:30 pm

me- AH! CRAP! I forgot to take the boys picture!!
Robert- Seriously? You just posted about this and you forgot already!
me- I know! Help me! I can not fail on day 3.
Robert- What do you want me to do?
me- (speaking like he's slow because how could he not have realized this was coming), Uh, get Jake out of his bed for me.

~for those of you who may not know this, the boys have bunk beds and Jake is on top~

Robert- No, just take their pictures separately. 
me- that's not the point! They need to be together!

This conversation went like this for about 5 minutes. Honestly, Robert didn't take much convincing that this was an awesome idea.

We head upstairs where I IMMEDIATELY start snorting. Robert comes in with a step stool and tells me to just get out. Why would I leave? I'm supposed to take a picture, that's the whole point of this!
The whole time I am pacing their room trying to stop the snorting and honking while Robert is struggling to get a sleeping 65 lb Jake out of the top bunk and into the bottom without waking him up while muttering under his breath the whole time about how he can't believe he is doing this. 

Joe did wake up and look at us and go back to sleep. That I think says a lot about our family. It doesn't faze Joe in the least to see his dad towering over him with Jake knotted up in blankets stuck half way between the 2 beds and his mom running around snorting. 

Because of how awesome my family is, which is proof again that you don't need New Years to have an amazing life, I got the photo and I did not fail in my challenge.

The photo is blurry because I was busy honking.
(which you can see under my 2012 Challenge Page)

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Resolutions Or Not To Resolution

Happy New Year!!

It's that time of the year where people start talking about resolutions and how THIS year is going to be so amazing and different.

I don't buy it.

I gave up on making resolutions a long time ago for 1 reason.

1. they are always empty promises to myself

I don't need Dec 31st/January 1st to roll around to give me an invite to make my life the way I want it.

I don't think January 1st will magically make all my problems go away.

Your life is what you make of it 365 days a year. Thinking that a new year is going to give you a new life, is putting way to much pressure on yourself and you forget to enjoy what you have!

Screw the resolutions and 'this year will be better' chant and enjoy the day. Going with the flow just may make THIS year so amazing.

So no, I haven't made a new years resolution. I have though, given myself a challenge.
When you hear it you might think it's both sad and stupidly easy. It's neither. It's proof I love the life I live and time flies when you are having fun.

My challenge to myself...

Take a photo of my boys together everyday. No fancy editing needed, real camera not required. Cell phone approved.

Sometimes I do need reminding that everyday happenings need to be photographed and remembered just as much as the special moments.

What I have found is that on the 1st and the 2nd I have had an~ OH CRAP! THE PHOTO! moment as the kids were going to bed.

That's what makes this hard! Our day flies and I don't think to pause and snap.

So to see if I succeed in my challenge, take a peek at my 2012 Challenge page. See how perfectly simple my life is 365 days a year without New Years reminding me to do something about it.