Dear Santa...

How are you?! Have you been on vacation all year? Where did you go? I hope you tossed those skimpy swim trunks. I've seen the photos and it's not pretty. You should know better.

Are you home yet? I hope you have your working cap on now and your sweet lil midgets elves are hard at work. 'Tis the season Santa. 'Tis the season.

I was hoping to run into you at the mall. Joe has some serious high hopes this year. As you know, I have been in panic mode because his birthday is about 2 1/2 week before your big working day and Jake's 10 days before.

And no silly Santie, I have NOT started my shopping yet.
Yes this makes my chest quiver in fear. Why do you think I am writing you instead of hoping for a run in?!

Here's the thing Santa. The kid wants a hot tub. Yep, I said a hot tub. You haven't heard this one yet have you? I don't think it's been among the things he has yelled to you in the van in hopes you were listening.

I really wish you wouldn't have let it slip you see them when they are awake. I get it, it's to help me with their behavior, but it's a running shopping list that comes out of their mouths when they think of you!

So about that hot tub, while you are at it, here are the other impossibles on his list I need you to hook him up with. I think it would be wise to have a midget elf work specifically on them.
~iPad
~Buffet Bar (really, are you even surprised at that Santie? I'm surprised it took this long for him to ask)
~REAL R2-D2 (now you see why he needs his own helper assigned to him)
~laptop
~his own room

These are just a few the make me want to hide until January. Who knows what else he has whispered your way that I have not heard!? You better be taking notes. I don't want to have to speak to the Mrs. about you again.

So let me know if you need to do a drop off before the big day. I need to have my big guy work on cleaning out the garage if this is the case.

I'll get with you later about Jake. I just wanted to be sure you had a solid plan worked out for Joe.

Thanks Santa!

Love always,
Kelly

p.s.
What are you going to be for Halloween?

p.p.s.
How many times do I have to ask for you to leave behind a midget elf for me before you realize I am serious? I'm not picky. Someone has to be retiring this year. Leave them behind under my tree. Please. If you leave me a retiree that still wants to work, they can run that buffet you are working on. Right? You're all over this list right?

Santa...