Sleep Walkin' & Talkin'

Last night as I was leaving my boys room, Joe mumbled something I couldn't quite make out.


Me- What's that buddy?
Joe- Himma jus hmm couch here.
Me-What? (was that even English)
Joe- moo om there
Me-(practically on top of him now trying to figure out what in the world this kid needs) What buddy? I can't understand you.
Joe-(eyes open and speaking English again) I'm just gonna move over to the other couch now. This one is just for napping.
Me- Uh, ok?


1. He's in bed.
2. His other "couch" was him rolling over onto another pillow.


We are a sleep walkin' & talkin' kinda family. Jake is known to toss out a few mumbles here and there. I've caught Joe sleep walking twice.


The last time I caught him was the last time he got up in the night to go to the bathroom. This alone is alarming to me because Joe never gets up to go. Seriously, it takes him about 5 minutes to uh, you know, relieve himself, in the mornings. The kid has an insane bladder. 


So the first thing to cross my sleep induced mind was VOMIT! He's gonna puke! HURRY! I run-stumble into the bathroom and find him just standing there in the general area of the toilet.


Me-You ok? need a bucket? (it takes a few minutes after panic waking for full sentences to kick in for me)
Joe-What? no
Me-Sure? What you doin'?
Joe-I have to go potty.
Me-ok
Joe-............
(he's still just standing there fully clothed with his eyes half open)
Me-So....do you need help?
Joe-No I'm just pottying
Me-(fully awake now) WHAT? Joe are you awake? What are you doing? Do you have to potty?
Joe- Yeah, I'm pottying
Me-WELL STOP! WAKE UP! YOU NEED TO SIT DOWN OR AT LEAST PULL YOUR JAMMIES DOWN!
Joe- What? oh.


Yeah. Thankfully that was the last he's slept walked. Where does he get it from? Me of course!


I can't remember the last time I walked, and yes I always remembered, but talking is a regular source of entertainment for my husband.


Probably half the time it scares him because I will sit up, look wide awake and say the most random stuff. And because he is the way he is, he will try and get me to keep going.


He is so loving.


He will add a sprinkle of "Oh yeah!" and "What was that". What I am saying seems so legit in my head and his encouragement doesn't help my state of confusion. I usually start to feel frustrated with him because he doesn't follow my conversation or concerns properly. 


If I ask if we turned the pig off, then just say yes so I can go to sleep. Don't ask where the pig is or why we turned it on. That just makes me think you are dumb.


It's usually about the time he starts giggling that I start to break out of the fog. My expression must change a little at this point because this is when he will ask if I'm awake.


That is when I say-
Shut up, leave me alone.
And I fall back asleep to the sound of his giggles.


When I was little I walked a lot in my sleep. It was usually when I was really sick. I don't know if it was due to the fever or the meds or both.


One of the most active walks I took was when I was maybe 10 or so. I walked into every room and collected towels. My pile was huge and heavy. When I was satisfied with my stash and that no towel was left behind, I went into my moms room to give her all of them.


I sat down on her bed and told her I got all the towels. She's trying to wake up and make sense of why I am delivering towels at 1 in the morning. While she is processing all this, I keep patting my pile on my lap and telling her I got them all. I can't figure out why she doesn't understand. What doesn't she get? There are towels here and I got them. I was getting really annoyed. It seemed pretty cut and dry to me.


Just about the same time she is realizing what is happening, I too am coming around.


All of a sudden the switch flipped in my head and I went from patting the pile of towels to feeling like an idiot patting air and realizing what I did.


Ma went back to sleep, I went back to bed.


My absolute favorite walk was Christmas eve one year. I was probably about the same age. 


My bother and I always left our stockings outside our doors.
I got up and saw my stocking was only half full.


I was pissed! What did I do that Santa felt I only deserved a half full sock?!


I went looking for my parents to file a complaint. I found them in the kitchen. When I sleep walk I can only really see or process what I'm dreaming about. It's like tunnel vision.


I find my parents at our kitchen table starting at me completely frozen with deer in the head lights look to them.


This doesn't concern me, I figure they must be as appalled at my stocking as I am. I start waving it around asking questions?


Whats going on? Why is this not full? Is he coming back? 


Nothing. They still just stare. 


I rant some more. Is Dougie's full? Why wouldn't this be full? I don't get it. Are you adding stuff to my stocking too? Who's holding out? What went wrong?


Finally my mom says-
Kelly, are you awake.


huh. nope, no I am not. And I went right back to bed.


The next morning I learned that they were so frozen in fear because the kitchen table was covered in unwrapped gifts. The only reason my stocking was half full was because they were still doing prep work. I think my ma was even sitting there crocheting something for Dougie.


What gets me though, is my family having to ask if I'm awake.


1. if I'm holding imaginary things, isn't that a huge gimme? 
2. if what I'm saying makes no sense what so ever, again, another gimme.


So I look forward to more adventures and conversations with my kids in the middle of the night. 


What I've learned from past experience is this-


~Don't ask, tell. I'll tell them they are sleeping, this is usually the trigger that helps clear the fog. Of course I'll wait until I've had my full of giggles


~Go with it. If Joe is worried about the pig still being on, I will reassure him I shut him off.


~And Most importantly...Wrap all Christmas presents well in advance and not at night.